Wednesday, February 16, 2005

34 Unfurled

I get to work early every day. An hour early to be exact. There are a couple of reasons for this: I’m conscientious about my job and don’t like being rushed. But I also go because outside of my restaurant, I get to watch kids on their way home from school with their mothers, fathers or nannies. I watch as they stroll past my restaurant--children recounting their days for the taller person. There’s something that makes me feel so wonderful watching this. Part of me wishes I could be out there with them. But I’m inside. Working. Kids don’t understand that the world is a complicated place. To them the world is full of possibilities. And it is, but gray hasn’t seeped into their black and white world. It’s a simpler existence. One that I envy.

But there’s something else going on here. Whenever I see a kid with a parent I get a little upset. I’m jealous. You see I don’t want kids. It’s not because I don’t love children. My father is a pediatrician so I’ve always been around kids. And kids, from my experience, like me. Heck I’m still a kid. But my destined career of film writer/director is a demanding job. It requires a time commitment that is unforgiving and inflexible. And I know myself. The fact that I wouldn’t be home to pick my kids up everyday from school...that would kill me. I know that time spent together at such a ripe age is key in a child’s development. And I wouldn't want to miss a minute of it. My father missed a great deal of my childhood because of his job and I promised myself I wouldn't be that kind of father. (I have no ill feelings towards my dad. We actually have a pretty good relationship. But what if my kids aren't as understanding?) I respect the profession of parenting too much not to fully serve it.


Blogger D said...

Thanks for the follow up.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 10:11:00 PM  

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