Sunday, April 17, 2005


It was the worst of days it was the best of days. I got up feeling a little sick. Worn down like a flu is how I felt. I took some medicine and felt a little better. Returned some useless electrical wiring to Best Buy and bought the correct one. Then I went to work. Things are going my way. I’m good at work. While I’m folding some napkins I see something or should I say someone. (Have I mentioned I believe in omens?) Campbell Scott and Patricia Clarkson walked by. They’re a couple and I’m a huge fan of both of them. And readers of my blog will note my fascination with OFF THE MAP, Campbell Scott’s latest directorial adventure. Without any hesitation, I run outside and yell out his name. They stop, puzzled and then I introduce myself…kindof.

Me: Mr. Scott. I wanted to tell you that I saw OFF THE MAP twice in the theatre.
Campbell Scott: Twice! How many people were there with you?
Me: 12 or so I guess? Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I can’t get it out of my head. It’s something that haunts me. When people ask me why I like it, I can’t explain why, but I know that it affected me.
Campbell Scott: That’s fantastic! Have you told people to see it?
Me: Everyone.
Campbell Scott: What’s your name?
Me: Bernard.
Patricia Clarkson: Are you an actor?
Me: No. I’m a writer/director.
Campbell Scott: Well that’s great.
Me: You probably don’t remember me but I drove up to Williamstown to see you in DESIGN FOR LIVING last year and we talked about FINAL (his first solo director job). I saw it in the theatre.
Campbell Scott: Ah yes. I remember now. You’re the FINAL guy.
Me: You said that “So you were one of the twelve!”
Campbell Scott: Do you know anyone else who saw it?
Me: Well….
Campbell Scott: I think people should just forgo seeing it and send me $9.
Laughter from all.
Me: I can’t wait for THE DYING GAUL to come out.
Campbell Scott: Let’s see if it gets released.
Patricia Clarkson nods.
Me: Alright. Thank you so much.

And then I came back to the restaurant totally psyched for the night. It went fairly well. I made minor mistakes but nothing that would be noticeable to anyone beyond myself.
Before I left, my chef took me aside and said, “Everything you’re going to do this week, comes from here.” And he touched my heart. I was blown away. Michael came in after his show and sat with his fiancé and a bunch of friends at the bar. On the way out they wished me well.
Then I walked to that restaurant that I mentioned yesterday and sat at the bar. My friend who owes me money eventually comes up to me and explains that the money doesn’t exist at the moment and she’s sorry. And then it happened. She got defensive. She started making me feel bad about stuff that I had no idea she was mad about. She made me feel very small. And part of me wanted to make her feel the same way, but instead I left. I left because it’s not worth it to get upset over, even though it was terribly evident I was. I walked to the subway stop and got on the 2 and then something surprising happened. A young girl, aged three, started talking to me. And she cracked me up. She made me feel better. I got home and now I’m about to begin packing. I leave in less than seven hours and I’m scared. I guess I’m equal parts scared and exhilarated. We’ll see if the film can be done on the smaller budget, but I’m sure we’ll squeak by. Wish me luck. In fact if you would I’d appreciate any verbal support any of you could give. Leave a great voicemail.


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