Thursday, May 19, 2005

Let Me Be Sad

I’m currently experiencing some serious sadness. If I looked hard enough, I’m sure I could attribute it to one of many things in my life. But none of those are to blame. It’s natural as humans to search for the cause of things, so we can fix what ails us. But there are experiences that extend beyond reason and this is one of them. I go to bed later and later and get up earlier and earlier. It takes all my strength to get up in the morning. I can’t eat and when I do I eat poorly. My writing has turned to disconnected thoughts on random pieces of paper.

Margo, who buoyed my spirits this evening with her voice, went through something similar a while back. I remember that her advice was not to try and fix it. “Let me be sad,” she’d tell people. She didn’t want to talk about it. I don’t really either.

There’ll be times during the day when I am inexplicably angry for no reason. What’s that about? I don’t like what I’m turning into. How do you not become the thing you’re becoming? Sadness surrounds me like a fog and the only thing I know definitively is that I don’t like it.

1 Comments:

Blogger MEC said...

I wish I had let you be sad when we talked today. I hope you'll forgive. Go crawl in bed. Heal yourself.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005 7:31:00 PM  

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