Thursday, September 15, 2005

My Stuff

Last night I saw The Notebook. It’s a movie my roommate loves and I’m not sure why. Apparently, it’s acceptable to believe that two people in love and at the end of their lives would decide mutually to die and then do just that. It’s a leap of logic I am not willing to take but apparently a lot of other people are more than happy to partake in.
No matter how bad a film is, I’ve decided to glean at least one thing from it. Last night I got this idea to do a film that is a romantic comedy where the woman falls in love with two men at different points of her life and then is given a true choice about who to be with. It doesn’t sound that different from anything that’s been done in the genre, but I’ve never seen a woman fall for two guys in the same movie. It’s been attempted, but I’ve never seen it be successful. It can be done. At least I think it can be done.

This morning I watched Renaissance, my only feature film to date. I have so many problems with it, but today I was able to let go of all of those issues and see it for what it is—my first feature. And for the first time I’ve accepted that.

What happened to me? Rewind to that time in my life and I’m ambitious and sure that I’d make it in the business. Now my writing partner lives across the country, my life seems a mess and my writing is scattered and choppy. What happened? Did I lose my ability to write? Or was it my desire that went by the wayside? And how do I recapture that?

Why am I tired all the time? I used to have all the energy in the world. And now I struggle to get up in the morning. I’m not depressed.

Maybe I’m a little depressed. The whole girl situation has blown up. We had yet another DTR. Touching is limited to the non-sexual and I’m not allowed to initiate. I’ve been put in the penalty box for some ungodly reason and I accepted that. Good for her that she could get me to agree to that. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have, but something about her eyes and the timbre of her voice makes me conciliatory. She obviously has the upper hand. Control. The person who cares less about the relationship is in control of it. I learned that on the Renaissance set. How come I haven’t learned it? Because I’m an idiot. What makes the lessons of the heart the hardest to learn? Does anyone have an answer to that?

I’m not like other guys.


Anonymous Margo said...

My roommates this summer loved The Notebook and we saw it about every 10 days. I think it's a boring, poorly acted, predictable movie (and queue the commitment to the old house for the rest of your life. of course, the old people die. Was it a secret that she was Ally and those were her kids? I was supposed to be surprised that was her husband?). I can't stand it when an audience is taken to be fools.

And on to the other thing . . . B, whoever puts the control in someone else's hands is the one that is out of control. It isn't a matter of wanting or not wanting, male or female. Weren't there times that it fluctuated back and forth? Weren't there times that you took control of this situation?
Now she has taken control. It is cyclical. So I suppose that you will have to have faith that it will balance at some point and you will move forward together. Or . . . not.

Saturday, September 17, 2005 1:30:00 AM  

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